


Do I Wanna Be Yours?

by teakettlenoises



Category: Dream SMP - Fandom, Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Anxiety, Bruises, Childhood Friends, Do I Wanna Know, Dreams, Eventual Smut, Heavy Angst, I wanna be yours, M/M, Mutual Pining, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Sapnap Angst (Video Blogging RPF), Sapnap Deserves Better, Sapnap Needs a Hug (Video Blogging RPF), dream is an IDIOT, george is mean, heatwaves is great, i love arctic monkeys, inspired by a song, no beta we die like men
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-11
Updated: 2021-02-04
Packaged: 2021-03-17 10:41:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,421
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28598604
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/teakettlenoises/pseuds/teakettlenoises
Summary: Sapnap doesn't notice how purely infatuated he is with Dream until it's much too late. He goes into a deep spiral of worry, constantly thinking about the feelings he can't get away from.Inspired by the songs "Do I Wanna Know" and "I Wanna Be Yours" by Arctic Monkeys.
Relationships: Clay | Dream/Sapnap (Video Blogging RPF)
Comments: 22
Kudos: 166





	1. Wondering

**Author's Note:**

> so i have no idea if anybody is gonna read this but i made it anyway :)))

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sapnap has weird thoughts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hihi this is my first fanfic i have posted pls dont bully me

Sapnap adjusted himself on his chair, sighing as his hands went through his hair. "Dream, you're making me _hot_. Stop it.” He joked, letting out a breathy laugh. He wouldn’t tell Dream that his words were getting to him, poking at his insides.

“Or what?” He chuckled as well, “are you gonna go crazy?” He laughed even louder after hearing a huff from Sapnap. Dream didn’t want to push anymore boundaries, so he went quiet after letting his last wheeze out, waiting for the other boy to respond. 

Dream could practically hear the smirk on Sapnap’s face. “Or I’m gonna tell George you’re cheating on him.” 

He tried his best to keep calm, not to lose against the laughter still bubbling inside of him, putting on a sarcastic voice, “oh no! Please don’t tell him, Sap. I beg you!” The two of them laughed, slowly forgetting about the sexual undertones the conversation had before that. 

Sapnap had just wanted to talk to Dream, calling him and asking how his day went. Their conversation was normal--- _even though Dream’s voice was deeper than usual,_ Sapnap noticed---and they went on until Sapnap mentioned something about Dream’s ass after looking at Twitter, to which Dream responded with ‘yours must be better’. Sapnap had blinked a few times, his end of the line going completely silent until a nervous giggle followed.

“What..?”

Dream was quiet for a few moments. “I said,” his voice was low and hushed, “your ass must be better.”

_What did he say?_

Sapnap fumbled with his hoodie strings, staying quiet. This was very out of the usual, as Dream never said anything like that, rarely even flirting back as a joke. Sapnap was stunned, so stunned he couldn’t let anything out of his mouth.

Dream noticed the hesitation in the phone call and quickly changed his tone, turning the conversation to one of Minecraft. Sapnap happily but nervously complied, his voice much more tense than before. Those few words Dream spoke changed the whole mood. It was more… uncertain. Sapnap brushed it off.

As they moved their thoughts further and further away from the situation, Dream mentioned that he had to stream tonight and wanted Sapnap there. 

“Yea, dude! Of course.” He was more than happy to chat and joke with Dream longer and to entertain their viewers until the sky grew light. It was more of a routine at this point, the both of them barely getting any sleep weekly. Sapnap had been living off of energy drinks and sugar, Dream drinking large amounts of soda and downing instant food to keep himself awake. They knew very well how bad that was, but never tried to end their habits. The late-night talks were comforting and friendly, so why would they need to sleep when their energy comes from each other?

“George wants to join too,” Dream said excitedly, making Sapnap frown. George always had to join them, even if he didn’t ask them himself. Dream seemed to be like his fanboy, reacting at everything George did or said, pretty much following him like a lost puppy. Or, as Sapnap liked to call him, a simp.

“Ok. Let’s move VCs.” He tried his best not to sound disappointed, but that little bit of attitude laced itself in his voice anyway.

Dream let out a yawn, then spoke. “Are you sure? If you don’t want to we don’t-” Sapnap had already clicked on the red ‘end call’ button, knowing that Dream wasn’t aware that he was upset with _George_ , not because of how late it was and not because of their conversation. It made him feel like a child again, getting angry that Dream was talking with another boy. 

With a long sigh, he went into the empty teamspeak, readying himself to listen to the lovebird’s flirting. Their tiny circles popped into the call, glowing green as they greeted Sapnap. 

“Hey, Sap.” George said non-enthusiastically. Sapnap mumbled a hi back at him.

“Why’d you leave the call while I was still talking?” Dream sounded a bit worried, but what would he be worried about? Sapnap was always second-choice, he didn’t matter to him anyway.

“I dunno,” he stared at the icons, spitting out his reply, “you wanted to talk to George, so I just came here like you asked.” He bit the inside of his cheek, wincing at how nasty his words sounded. He felt bad immediately, but not enough to say sorry. Especially since George was there.

A few moments of awkward silence passed by. George spoke first, “well, I’m gonna join the game. Start the stream when you want, Dream.” They heard small clicks and typing. Sapnap heard Dream sigh, then the clicks of his own mouse. He knew that sound by heart.

Soon enough, Dream said hello to his viewers that were piling in. “I’m with Sap and George today, so say hi to them too.” 

Sapnap finally started to smile after looking at all the ‘sappynappy’ies in the chat, joining the world his friends were in. “Hi, stream.”

Right away Sapnap went for George’s character, charging at him with a wooden sword. “Dream, help, Sapnap’s killing me,” he whined. Sapnap chuckled and continued hitting him.

“Sapnap, don’t make me get the belt.” Dream giggled and ran to where they were. _A belt?_ _I can play into this._

“Aw, please don’t, daddy! I’ll be good, I promise.” He bit his lip, trying to contain his laugh. 

George hesitantly laughed. “Shut up, Sapnap. That’s disgusting.” Sapnap knew he was joking, but couldn’t help but scowl at his screen.

Dream hadn’t said anything. He just focused on mining a tree. 

As they upgraded their items, the voice channel grew more and more quiet. _Did I make it awkward?_ Sapnap wondered, clearing his throat. _No. If anything, Dream started it._

Right as Sapnap was about to speak, George beat him to it. “Dream, look at chat,” he giggled, “they’re saying ‘dream daddy’.” To that, Dream let out a laugh. Sapnap’s attention was immediately drawn to that beautiful noise. 

“Guys, shut up. George, tell them.” He seemed to be avoiding talking to Sapnap, but that was alright with him. Maybe he went a bit too far, even though that wasn’t any different to what he would usually say. Nonetheless, Sapnap felt left out.

“Yea guys, Dream only likes it when _I_ say it.” George said. Sapnap felt like it was directed at him, not the many viewers who were watching. It made his blood boil. He squeezed his mouse, feeling the long line of words starting from his very core start to come up to his lips. He held it in the best he could. He didn’t want to upset Dream.

One again, Dream was quiet. _Say something,_ Sapnap urged him inside his head. _Anything is better than nothing._

As every second went on, Sapnap felt more and more lightheaded. He wanted to pull Dream away, take him into their own call so Dream was all his, and make sure George knew. But, he knew that wouldn’t happen. Dream likes George and he doesn’t have a chance. 

Thoughts upon thoughts flooded his head like his brain was a bouncy house, giving him all sorts of ideas of what to say, what to do and how to handle himself. One thought in particular sounded reasonable and easy. 

Without saying a thing, he hung up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ty for reading pls give me clout :)))
> 
> therell be dreams next chap!


	2. Dream

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sapnap has a dream.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i was so excited for this aa i hope u like
> 
> sorry its short lol i had writers block

Sapnap was spammed with messages asking what was wrong, what happened, where did he go, all of the fake worrying texts. He only glanced at them, ignoring the boys entirely. 

He hadn’t noticed he was sweating until he took his shirt off for bed, seeing the gleam of sweat shining from the glow of his computer. That whole thing, the past thirty minutes, had been stressful. He was mentally exhausted, but he knew his body wouldn’t allow him that good amount of sleep he desperately needed---he would most likely get around three hours of it.

The covers moved as Sapnap snuggled into his favorite position, hugging a small pillow and nuzzling his face in it. He had no idea how bad this could have hurt. It’s happened so many times before, it just didn’t make sense why it had to be now that he- 

He what? He fell for his childhood best friend? He’s madly in love with Dream, who loves somebody else? His face scrunched up in agony as he curled into himself, letting the call of despair take him to a horrible place. That place that’s all too familiar of want, need, helplessness, so many emotions he hoped to get away from. Not even the warming, happy memories can pull him from this darkness.

After countless hours of nasty thoughts, his body finally relaxed as sleep overtook it. He could finally be at peace. Even if it’s only a few hours he gets, he’s fine with that. He’s not greedy or ungrateful.

His eyes opened. 

_ It’s already over?  _ That was far too quick. It was still dark as he took a quick look around the room. The moonlight shone through the small slit in between his curtains, illuminating a tall dark figure who stood in front of his bed. Sapnap gasped at the stranger, his whole body freezing as he stared at the man who stepped closer; he had a white mask on that covered his whole face, wavy blonde hair, and was wearing a green sweatshirt and jeans. He recognized this person---this is the man he feels so deeply for.

“Sap?” Dream asked into the quiet. Sapnap could hear his voice for  _ real _ right now. Not inside headphones, on speaker, but out loud. In  _ his room _ . It was ethereal. “Is… is this your room?”

“Yea,” Sapnap spoke softly, “why are you here?” He felt nervous with Dream in his room, worried that it wasn’t clean enough, that he looked groggy-  _ oh no _ , his shirt was off. He shrunk underneath the covers, trying to cover any exposed parts.

Dream glanced at his bed. “I don’t know.” Sapnap’s room was very normal for a twenty-one-year-old man, with posters of bands on his wall, dark-colored sheets, a wood dresser, a nightstand, and his monitor in the corner. Dream didn’t see that it was messy---it wasn’t messy at all compared to his. “Can I sit?” He gestured to the bed.

Sapnap nodded and shuffled to his left, making room for Dream to sit next to him. Dream sighed as he sat down on the plush bed and looked at Sapnap, eyeing his messy hair and reddened face. Sapnap looked back at him with a confused expression. 

“...This is a dream.” He mumbled, “it can’t be real.”

“I’m as real as you want to make me.” 

Sapnap sat up, forgetting about how vulnerable he would be. “So… You’re not real.”

Dream shook his head. Sapnap crawled closer to him.

“Which means,” he paused, “I can do what I want?”

“Whatever you want.”

Sapnap’s breathing grew heavier.  _ If this is a dream, why does it feel so  _ real _? _

The room was aching in the tension, lit up from the dim moonlight. It was  _ suffocating. _ Sapnap raised his hand up, finding the small latch that would let Dream escape from hiding. The mask fell and Sapnap wasted no time.

He leaned in immediately, pushing his lips against Dream’s. Sapnap’s whole body felt like it was pulled to his as they connected, quickly bringing himself onto Dream’s lap, running his hands through his hair. It felt like he was  _ burning--- _ burning in the lust and want he’d felt for so long. He shivered when he felt Dream’s hands slide up his bare thighs. They were warm.  _ So  _ warm. 

“Dream-” the air felt so heavy when he pulled away to breathe, but he went right back to those addicting lips again.

Dream seemed to be enjoying it; he was groaning softly into Sapnap’s mouth, squeezing his adorable thighs in his big hands which felt perfect and rough, and slipping his tongue against the other’s. He also had a… growing reaction.

Sapnap, on the other hand, was a mess. His thoughts were askew, his face beet red and shoved against Dream’s, and his body was on fire. “This,” he attempted to inhale, but Dream sucked the air right out of him with another kiss, “this doesn’t feel right- Y-you’re not…” He pulled away from Dream, both their faces matching disappointment. “You’re not real.”

Dream sighed, rubbing gentle circles into Sapnap’s thighs. “I know you want this. If I’m real or I’m in your dreams, you want this.” Sapnap knew he was right. He wanted to continue, but he kept telling himself ‘ _ don’t yearn for something you can’t have. _ ’ 

Sapnap refused to meet the man’s eyes, looking down at the hands that were on his thighs. “It feels good, believe me, but I-I can’t…” He couldn’t finish the sentence as he choked on the words that floated around his head since he was twelve. 

Dream understood. “It’s ok,” he brought Sapnap into his arms, giving him the warmth he needed. Sapnap sobbed into his shoulder, letting tear after tear slip from his closed eyes. He slowly wrapped his arms around the man’s waist after accepting the affection. How weird that the artificial love felt so comforting, so safe.

He welcomed in the heat that was given to him out of pity, feeling the waves of sadness and disgust wash over him. What he did just now was disgusting. Thinking of his best friend like that? Absolutely dreadful. What would he even say to Dream? They talk about everything, even their odd encounters that are embarrassing for anyone to hear. Would Sapnap be able to speak to him after this? He’s definitely not a good liar---Dream knew that much. He knew the way Sapnap’s voice would go higher, how quiet he would be during the conversation. They can’t keep anything from each other. That’s how Sapnap found out about Dream’s love for George.

It felt like hours in this painful dream. Sapnap was so conflicted, trying to decide if he should attempt to wake himself up (how? He doesn’t know) or to stay hugging fake Dream. It was tempting to continue what had happened earlier, almost  _ too _ tempting to the point where Sapnap couldn’t stop thinking about it. It would be so easy to tilt his head up and peck on those lips, letting it escalate.

But, he couldn’t do that. It felt too dirty, too wrong.

_ Don’t yearn for something you can’t have. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SIUEIUWFHWUFW PLS GIVE COMMENTS OR SMTH TY <333


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